Do not be fooled by the title – this will not be a gory post. Okay, maybe so. But funny gory. Mostly.
Let’s start with a picture of it:
I’ve identified it as a female finch of some species, though you can never be sure unless you’re an expert birder. There are too many finch types, I have no idea what is what. I found the poor thing outside of the store Hobby Lobby today, and I thought that it might be fun to think up “possible causes of death,” as the title states. First, we must think up a name for it. I’m guessing that it’s a girl, so let’s call it…Jane! No offense to you Jane’s out there. Now, here we go:
- Jane was flying along, her little weightless body working fine. She’d been away for her nest for only one reason: her relatives were hungry, and in need of food. She’d just found a wasp and was about to kill it when it buzzed over her head, so she quickly followed it. Jane chased it all the way to Hobby Lobby when it finally landed. Unfortunately, it landed in an un-approachable place for a bird; the corner of the building, meaning it was basically in between two walls. You’d think Jane would give up at that point, but no, Jane was a tough one, and if she wanted something, she made sure she got it. She zoomed at the wall and tried to wedge her beak between the walls, but failed. She came at such a speed and her beak hit the wall with such a intense force that she became knocked out and fell to the ground, which ended up killing her.
- She was looking for a possible place to make a new nest when she saw one of her teenage fledglings flew into Hobby Lobby, so she fainted right there on the spot.
- Of old age, Jane just happened to choose the sidewalk next to Hobby Lobby to die.
- Her stomach hadn’t been agreeing with her for at least a week. She had a horrible headache, and it hurt to fly. It also hurt to try to interact with her family, she was in such agony. She was hungry, so she softly landed on the concrete beside the Hobby Lobby building and ate a few ants. Jane didn’t feel like she could fly anymore at that moment, so she laid down and took a nap. That nap turned into death. (Read ‘death’ with over-exaggeration. “That nap turned into DEATH.“)
- Jane had been having a nice conversation with her older sister. Somehow, they’d started discussing turkeys. “Why do people eat turkeys?” Jane had asked. “I don’t know, apparantely they taste good to them,” her sister replied with disgust. “What are turkeys, anyway?” Jane had asked. “Don’t you know? They’re big birds.” Jane was so shocked by her sister’s answer that she just fainted, right there on the spot. She just happened to choose the sidewalk of Hobby Lobby.
- She saw an old lady wearing feather earrings, and died right there because of the pain in her heart for her distant relatives.
Will add more sad things that could’ve happened to her. Do you have any suggestions?